Never Be The Same Again
by prongsdeer
Summary: In this story Marlene survives, but Sirius still taken into Azkaban. Time changes everyone.
1. Chapter 1

"I'm pregnant." – Lily said one, unbelievably long and stressful minute ago. She let her friend to try to process the information, but Marlene just gaping at her with slightly opened mouth while thousands of thoughts flashed through her brain. – "WOULD YOU FINALLY SAY SOMETHING? – Lily yelled when she couldn't bear the silence anymore.

Marlene almost jumped up from the wooden chair next to the small dining table, but quickly tried to pull herself together. She cleared her throat. "Uh… I erm… Congratulate?"

Lily rolled her eyes and dropped her head on the table with a growl. Marlene watched her in silence again; frankly she had no idea what she should say. She let out a deep breath and stood up, walked closer to Lily and wiped her ginger lock out from her face. She raised her head up and looked at Marlene; her bright green eyes were more tired than ever. "I have no idea what should I do no." – She said honestly. – "I can't raise a child. I'm a child. James is a bigger child than anyone!"

Marlene bit back a chuckle and a sarcastic comment – it wasn't the time. "Really, what did he said?" – She asked, sitting down next to Lily.

"He tried to comfort me, telling me everything's will be fine, we'll get through this… you know him. He's showing himself strong but I can tell he's afraid too."

"Don't worry, they probably drinks all of our firewishkey with Sirius right now; I'm bet fifteen minutes later all of his fears will be long gone." – Marlene replied, half joking, half scared they will really destroy all of their alcohol. Lily let out a small, exhausted chuckle before Marlene stood up again. – "Speaking of alcohol…." – She was searching for the kitchen cabin for something strong, but her hopes vanished quite soon. – "Giggle water? Why do you only have giggle water?"

Lily shrugged. "We never really drink without you. We only have giggle water because James thinks it's really funny and loves to annoy me with it."

"Isn't he Prince Charming?" – She smiled, but also furrowed her eyebrows. Seeing Lily still looked desperate, she walked back to her. – "Listen… I know it seems like a dead end, but you'll really get through this. And these aren't just empty words. Yes, James is probably afraid too; but it doesn't mean he won't do everything to keep all of you safe." – She paused, watching her friend's features lightly softened. – "And don't forget the kid going to have the best aunt and uncles in the world."

"Are you kidding me?" – Lily huffed, but couldn't hide her grin. – "If it's on you and Sirius my child will be on concerts at age six."

"Excuse me, but what's the problem with that?" – They both laughed for a short, relieved moment before a painful silence intruded them again.

"I'm scared." – Lily whispered then, her big eyes are teary.

Marlene gulped and looked away; of course she was afraid. Who wouldn't be? It isn't enough they were too young; they're in the middle of a war. It was risky, it was way too dangerous, but how could she just tell that in her face when she was already so scared? Her eyes fell on the picture on the wall; the picture which was taken what seemed an eternity ago. Lily and James were dancing in front of a fountain, carelessly and cheerfully – it made Marlene smiled. Seeing them together somehow always made her smile.

"I want this baby." – Lily's voice woke Marlene up suddenly. – "I really do. It's just…"

"It's hard." – She finished. – "And it will be. But it will worth it. I'm sure you'll be the most amazing parents in the world. You just need some time. And we'll help in everything."

Lily smiled back at her kindly; a single teardrop streamed down on her cheek. They talked a lot in the next few hours, trying to figure it out what will happen next.

* * *

Marlene smiled and shook her head when she saw Sirius and James in front of their apartment, hugging each other and speaking with a voice what screamed they had way too much drink on that night. No firewhiskey for me then, she thought before walked inside the house with slow steps; the boys haven't even noticed her presence.

She collapsed on her bed in the moment she stepped into the dark room. She closed her eyes and let out a long sigh into her soft pillow; she felt herself more exhausted than after any battle they fought in so far.

Because it was another kind of battle. She didn't lie to Lily, of course; she meant everything that she told her. It was irresponsible, it was dangerous, it was stupid; but seeing how her friend was completely in shock too, how much she was afraid, Marlene knew the best thing she could do now is trying to comfort her and offer every help they have.

She turned around and stared the ceiling which looked grey in this hour, as the moon lighted up the night. This war seemed never ending and raising a child right now…

Her bedroom's door burst open and Sirius fell on the sheets a few seconds later; a similar long sigh left his mouth, too. They haven't talked for minutes, but both of them were still wide awake. "How's James?"

"Panicked. Lily?" – Sirius said with a hoarse voice.

"Same." – They fell in silence again. – "Did you get drunk with James?" – Marlene asked, smelling the alcohol from his boyfriend.

"Hell yes."

She turned around to face with him. "This is unbelievable. I mean, I'd be so happy for them, but the circumstances…"

"Listen. I think the same, but they'll be in a safe place. They will do everything now to protect each other, and we will do the same. They kid will be fine." – Sirius said; his voice unsteady from the alcohol but still fierce.

Marlene stared off and talked in a low voice. "I hope."

Sirius wrapped his hands around his girlfriend and puller her closer, pressing small, soft kiss on her forehead. "I worry about them too. And it's fine. All we can do is support them in everything."

She looked up at him, smiling kindly and lovingly. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." – He said, but taken aback and frowned a second later. – "You don't want kids too, right?"

Marlene closed her eyes and sighed. "Sirius, with all my love… _Never_."

"Great." – He replied in a raspy voice. "Because me neither. Can you imagine us as parents? Merlin…"

A soft chuckle left her mouth. "That would be a disaster. But we can have a dog, maybe?"

"You already have one." – Sirius growled, causing Marlene to roll her eyes. – "What about a cat? I love cats. They're funny."

"I hate cats. But nevermind, having you is like having three, badly behaved dogs." – She grinned, burying her face into the crook of his neck.

"Mhm, very funny." – He murmured, trying to sound offended, but her presence at the moment was so calming he just wanted to cuddle her and fall asleep. He closed his arms tighter around her, forgetting about everything for at least the next couple of minutes.


	2. Chapter 2

_Nine months later_

Marlene lifted her head up so suddenly from the kitchen table she almost fell off of the chair; she just dozed off a couple minutes ago. It was the blunt click of the front door that woke her up; it wasn't loud, but it sounded like a thunderstorm in the silent night, where every blow of the wind could bring suffer with themselves. Every of her muscle were shaking whilst she stood up and walked out from the kitchen, meeting with Sirius halfway in the small living room. She glanced at the clock that she made from a terrible vinyl on the wall; it was long past three in the morning.

Sirius watched her movements carefully. She still had her clothes on, which meant she haven't slept yet, but he didn't ask why. It happened every time when they went on a mission separately; the other always stayed up all night and waited, waited and waited, only getting some relief when they saw each other again. Marlene reached out her hand to conjure fire in the fireplace with her wand, but she was still shaking so hard she was afraid she might set the whole place in fire. Sirius stepped closer and without a word, he just pulled her into a tight hug. She let out a long, slow breath while he buried her face into his chest; he didn't have any visible marks on, but he definitely smelled like blood.

They stepped into the bathtub together, filled with hot water, still not talking. Sometimes it was enough to know both of them was alive; sometimes they had no energy to talk about what happened. They rested their backs against the white porcelain; Marlene closed her eyes while Sirius stared down with empty eyes, lightly stroking Marlene's leg up and down under the water.

"Will this ever end?" – Marlene opened her mouth finally for Sirius' surprise. Usually, they don't really talk about how much they wanted this whole war to end, or how much they were scared; they only talked about _how_ they should _stop it_ – and acted. Marlene knew Sirius would never complain. He'd go as far as he could to help to destroy every dark wizard, or even Voldemort himself, and it always scared her. He show no fears but pure determination. The only times when she saw him afraid were the times when they were together.

Sirius didn't know what he should respond. Marlene wasn't the type of a girl whom he could say any sugar coated truth. But it was also true that despite of their situation sometimes seemed truly hopeless, Sirius never thought, not even for a second that they not going to win. They got through everything so far – and they will now as well, sooner or later. "It will." – He replied, leaning closer and cupping her cheeks. Marlene closed her eyes again. – "I can promise that to you, it will end. Look at me." – She did as he said, looking into Sirius' dark, grey eyes. – "See? I'm not lying. You always say I can't lie." – He smiled.

"You can't. You look like a guilty puppy when you do." – Marlene said, her voice still sad but a small smile started to appear in the corner of her mouth.

"Well, you always wanted a dog. I still not given up on the cat, though." – He grinned, pulling her on his chest.

She chuckled. "You know what? When the war will be over, I'll buy you a fucking cat."

* * *

It was almost six in the morning when the silvery stag appeared in their bedroom. They were still awake, tired though, but snuggled up against each other and talking in a low voice. The appearing patronus was nearly noiseless, but James' voice made them to sit up quickly. Their heart skipped a beat – but the message was short and finally not sad, nor menacing. Both of them jumped up and took some clothes on, exchanging a broad smile before Marlene disappeared in the fireplace.

The first thing she saw was James in the middle of their living room, biting his nails and walking up and down. He stopped and they looked at each other silently; his eyes were teary and Marlene could tell he was probably cried a couple minutes ago. "Well?" – She asked impatiently.

Before James could've answered, Sirius arrived too; James' features softened immediately and he started to smile, leading them into their bedroom. "Are they okay? Girl? Boy? Would you say something, Prongs?" – Sirius asked while they followed their grinning friend.

"They're fine. And boy." – He said proudly a moment prior he opened the door. – "The healer just left before you."

Lily was half sitting, half lying on the sheets with her child in her arms, raising her head up and smiling at her friends as they walked inside. Suddenly, Marlene felt an inexplicable urge to cry. She sat down next to them on the edge of the bed, taking a closer look at the baby. "Meet Harry James Potter." – Lily said quietly.

Marlene chuckled softly while Sirius stopped behind her. "He's beautiful."

"Would you look at that amount of hair? Is that normal for a baby?" – Sirius asked, causing all of them to laugh.

"I made him, after all." – James said proudly again.

Lily rolled her eyes before looked back at Marlene. "Would you like to hold him?" – She asked, already reaching out her arms, but she quickly jumped up from the bed and took a few step backwards.

"No, no thanks, I'm good."

"Sirius?" – Lily asked, throwing a smug smile at him.

His eyes widened. "No. No. No."

Lily laughed at them while James stepped closer, taking Harry out from Lily's arms. He faked an offended voice, but looked very amused, actually. "Oh, come on you lot. What he would say when he will learn his own godparents don't even want to hold him?"

Marlene's jaw dropped but Sirius wasn't sure at all he heard it right. "His what?"

James smiled kindly and walked close to Marlene, who now very, very carefully though, but took Harry in her arms. She bit her lower lip, still fighting an internal battle with herself and trying to choke back her tears.

"You are our best friends, our family. It wasn't even a question." – Lily said and Marlene looked up to smile at her, but remained in silence. She wanted to say thank you, but she was afraid if she would open her mouth she'd start to cry immediately. – "But no concerts."

The boys just exchanged a hug before Sirius walked closer and stopped next to her girlfriend. He cleared his throat, probably fighting with the same problem, too. "He has your eyes, Lily. I think he'll hear that a lot."

Marlene chuckled, still not taking his eyes off of Harry.

"I think Marlene is going to cry." – James said smugly, sitting down next to Lily and embracing her shoulder.

She threw a short, angry glance at him. "Just, shut up, Potter." – She said firmly, but as she looked back at Harry, a single drop of tear streamed down on her cheek. – "I bet you cried like a baby, by the way."

James shrugged. "I did. Still not as much as Pads in our wedding, though."

Sirius looked at James and Lily with a reproachfully glance as they still didn't let him to forget that. He put his arm on Marlene's lower back whilst he gently grasped Harry's little hand. "Don't worry, little Prongs. We'll bring you to a lots of concerts." – He smiled and heard Lily's quiet growl in the background. He wiped Marlene's tears off from her cheeks, and as he smiled up at him, he couldn't think of anything else but how much he loves this girl. This one of those times when he knew, with all of his heart, that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her.

Soon Peter and Remus dropped in too for a quick visit, but none of them stayed long; they wanted to leave them alone, to rest, to enjoy each other's presence, just the three of them.

"You said you never want kids, and see? Now we have a son." – Sirius said jokingly as they stepped out into the warm summer morning.

Marlene laughed and shook her head. " _Godson_ , Sirius."

"They looked happier than in a long time, Lily and James." – Remus smiled while they walked together down the long street. – "It was good to see."

"It's still really hard to see them as parents, isn't it?" – Peter laughed. – "The same guy who wanted to duel with Sir Cadogan and was really upset when he couldn't get into his painting."

"Yes." – Sirius laughed. – "The same guy who almost break his neck several times even when Lily just smiled at him."

They spent the next fifteen minutes with telling embarrassing stories about James, until all of them apparated into their own homes. Marlene and Sirius just realized how tired they were as they haven't slept a minute – especially Sirius, who spent most of his last day out in an order mission. They fell into bed and said nothing, just exchanged a small, content smile before they fall asleep in each other's arms.


	3. Chapter 3

"Lily, we'll be fine!" Marlene assured her friend with a tired voice, trying to convince her that nothing could go wrong tonight. Being in the middle of a war or not, James and Lily deserved a nice night out together for the first time in a long time.

She nervously put a strand of loose dark red hair behind her ear, looking at Marlene. "Oh, I'm sure you two will be fine," she started. "I'm worrying about my son."

James growled in the distance, resting his head back against the wall while Marlene crossed her arms across her chest. "Are you saying we aren't responsible?"

Lily nodded. "This is exactly what I'm saying," she blurted out a moment before James gently grabbed her hand and led her out from the living room.

Marlene followed them, but she couldn't argue with the fact that along with Sirius, they were indeed irresponsible. "Well, you should've thought about that when you chose us godparents," she smiled, causing Lily to smirk at her above her shoulder as her husband opened the door.

"You know how it goes… pregnant women make crazy choices sometimes," she managed to say before Marlene slammed the door shut and yelled a "have fun" after them.

Then she walked back inside Lily and James' room, where Sirius sat in the armchair in the corner with Harry in his arms. "Sirius," she sighed. "Put him down! Lily said he just fell asleep."

"Nope," he answered shortly, not taking his eyes off of his godson. Marlene rolled her eyes and walked towards them, carefully sitting down at the armrest of the chair, resting her head on Sirius' shoulder. She smiled involuntarily – it was a peaceful moment, something which was rare nowadays. It never failed to make her heart happy, seeing how good he was with Harry, how happy he made Sirius with his simple existence. There were even moments when she thought they could have this too, maybe one day, somewhere in the future. It was one of those moments too, until Harry opened his eyes.

"Morning, buddy," Sirius said in a low voice, but Marlene knew the bomb will explode soon. By the time she slowly stood up, Harry's whimpers grew into loud cries.

"I told you so," – she shook her head and walked across the room; Sirius only threw a small glance at her as he stood up too, murmuring calming words to the baby.

"I could use a little help, you know," – Sirius yelled after her with an offended voice, but his girlfriend already left the room.

Marlene closed the door with a relieved sigh as she doesn't have to take a part on this, but a moment later she already felt guilt as she left Sirius alone. She let out an annoyed growl and stepped in Harry's small room, trying to search for a solution. Marlene chuckled as she stopped. Above Harry's bed, Lily painted a stag and a doe on to the white wall, but mysteriously, now there was also a black dog, much bigger than the other two figures. She shook her head and picked up the baby bottle from the table under the window, filled with warm milk and returned to the desperate-looking Sirius. "Maybe he's hungry?"

Sirius' eyes lit up as he grabbed the bottle from her; in the second he hold it toward Harry, he stopped to cry and started to drink instead.

"That went well," Sirius said confidently, but that confidence didn't take long as in the second Harry finished his meal, he started crying again.

They both thought it was going to be easy. What kind of trouble a newborn baby could make?

After ten minutes walking up and down in the room with Harry in his arms, Marlene gave him back to Sirius before she said "I'm sorry to say that, but I think we should change the diapers," she started, causing him to look at her with widened eyes "And I'm not sorry to say that it's your turn."

Marlene tried very hard to restrain herself; she bit her lower lip to prevent herself from laughing as she plopped down in the armchair with a satisfied expression on her face. As Sirius stared her, she was prepared for everything to see or hear, except what he actually said with an almost scared tone, "I have no idea what should I do."

She couldn't help anymore; Marlene burst out in a loud laugh, causing Sirius to look at her in anger. "Would you help me then?"

"Why, do you think I have any idea?"

"I don't know!" he half yelled, as Harry grabbed a handful from his hair with his tiny hand, "You're a woman, don't you have some mother's instinct or something?"

Marlene jumped up, crossing her arms, but talking in a calm voice. "A week ago you called me a blunt bitch, and now you want my _mother's instinct_?"

"I said sorry!" – Sirius shouted even louder, as Harry was still pulling his hair.

With a growl, Marlene gave up again and helped him to change Harry's diapers; they got another silent half an hour after that.

The rest of their night passed by trying to find out why Harry was crying and making everything to calm him down; sometimes he was hungry, sometimes he mysteriously stopped, sometimes Sirius needed to chase his own tail as Padfoot. It went on and on until they dozed off on the couch; Harry in Marlene's arms and she on Sirius', who didn't sleep. He couldn't miss any second of the sight, the feeling as the two most important person in his life are sleeping peacefully in his embrace.

The sound of the closing door woke up Marlene as James and Lily arrived back. Lily grinned at them before she took Harry in his arms, only talking with whispered words. "How it went?"

"It was a piece of cake," Sirius waved.

Marlene bit her lip and avoided Lily's eyes, who didn't believe them even for a second. After James put his son into bed, Sirius and Marlene stayed for a little talk before they left through the Floo network, finally arriving home and straight falling into their bed.

They slowly turned their heads towards each other, letting out a short laugh. "Piece of cake?" Marlene asked, watching her boyfriend in amusement.

"We solved everything, didn't we?"

Marlene snuggled closer to him with a chuckle. "I'm so tired," – she said as Sirius started to draw small circles on her back, but his hand stopped soon.

"Do you want some very safe and protected sex?"

She started to laugh again, but crawled on top of him in the next moment. "Why is that even a question?"

* * *

Sirius always woke up in the early hours. He opened his eyes, watched Marlene for long minutes, gently stroked the smooth skin of her face or arms, before he fell asleep again and only climbed out from the bed hours later. This is why she never knew about his little morning habit, and only rolled her eyes when he was still fast asleep at ten in the morning.

Now Marlene woke up to the feeling of Sirius' thumb lightly brushing her cheek; she slowly opened her eyes before quickly closed them again with a quiet whimper, snuggling closer to Sirius with a smile. She buried her face into his naked chest, placed a soft kiss on his skin before stayed there for a while in deep silence, just enjoying the moment.

"I should go," she said finally, her voice still raspy from drowsiness.

Sirius pulled her even closer, if that was possible, closing his arms tighter around her. "The Order meeting will be on the afternoon, we have time."

"Yeah, but I told my parents I'll visit them before," Marlene started and pulled back slightly, looking at Sirius. "We haven't seen each other in a while."

He nodded understandingly and rolled at his back, stretching out his limbs. "Okay, I'll go with you," he said with ease, but as he saw concern on Marlene's face, his features straightened. "What?"

"Nothing," she breathed out. "Just… don't be surprised when you'll meet them."

Sirius raised his eyebrows in confuse. "Babe, you know I've met them a couple times by now, right?"

"It's not that," she said with an eye roll, sitting up in the bed with the blanket wrapped around herself. Sirius growled as she pulled all of it from him, but he was too curious about what she was going to say to argue about blankets. "My mom keeps asking me in every letter for a while about, you know… when we are getting married."

Sirius' heart skipped a beat, but he tried to keep his face straight. The truth was, since the war started, he thought more and more about marrying her. He has never fell in love before Marlene and he was almost completely sure he could never fall in love with anyone else again.

"I mean, it's not like it is important, is it?" Marlene asked, and Sirius was thankful she interrupted him before he could've said anything. "We love each other, and a stupid ceremony won't make any differences."

"Yeah, but still," Sirius started with a tiny smirk before he pulled the blanket off of Marlene, leaving her naked and pouting. He sat up too, pulling her on his lap. "If you'd ever change your mind about it… I mean, we don't have to, but if you'd like to get married…"

Marlene let out a short, but loud laugh. "That was the most terrible marriage proposal I've ever heard."

"Have you heard so many proposal, then?" he asked, a bit offended, but quickly went on. "And it wasn't a marriage proposal. If I'll ever ask you…"

"I know you, Sirius," she cut him off, crawling out from his lap and from the bed. "Half of the Diagon Alley will flow in lights and fireworks."

He fell back on the bed with a sigh. "Well, if you do something, do it well."

Marlene smiled as she put on Sirius t-shirt, smiling at him sweetly with innocent eyes. "I love you. I really do. But if you'll do it in front of a big crowd, I'll say no and you are never going to see me ever again," she leaned down and pecked his lips before she disappeared behind the bathroom's door.

* * *

"What are you smiling at?" Marlene asked suspiciously once they were out behind their house, Sirius sitting on his motorbike and waiting for his girlfriend to climb up behind him. He just kept grinning and shook his head, not giving her a proper answer. She wrapped her arms around his waist, rolling her eyes. "You're an idiot sometimes."

But Sirius just let out a short laugh before the loud roar of the motorbike muted his voice. They were rising high into the sky fast, so Marlene tightened her grip around Sirius, pressing her face against his back.

"We should visit Molly and Arthur," Marlene said once they reached the outskirts of Devon. Her parents were always close to the Prewetts, and the war brought the families even closer to each other.

"What?" Sirius asked back, as she only heard bits and pieces from what Marlene said.

"I said we should visit Molly and Arthur!" She yelled into his ear.

Sirius shouted back, already flying down. "Okay, okay, I'm not deaf!"

As soon as he caught a glimpse of the Burrow, they landed and went closer to the house on the ground, stopping just next the fence.

"Finally," Marlene said once her feet reached the ground. "I'm freezing to death." It was early December, but even she had a coat on, flying up in the air for hours wasn't the warmest experience of her life. Sirius gently wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer while they walked closer to the house, but before they could've knocked, Molly opened the door.

"Oh, Marlene!" she gushed, giving her a bone crushing hug. "I haven't seen you in forever!"

She hugged Sirius too before invited them inside the warm house, but Marlene's eyes widened in shock as she saw the chaos in the kitchen: there were half dozen kids, and none of them was sitting calmly next to the table. There were yells and shouts and one kid was crying loudly above his breakfast. Molly stormed in and quickly picked up the smallest toddler from the floor, putting him on Marlene's arms. "Can you hold him for a second?" she asked with a kind smile, not waiting for an answer before she already turned back, throwing knives with her eyes. "I told you a million times… Fred, George, get off the table!" She yelled before she took them off, turning her face to her eldest son who was grinning mischievously about something.

"He's Ronald, right?" Sirius asked, stepping closer to Marlene, looking at the boy in her arms.

Marlene nodded. "Yes. I think he's an age around Harry," she said, right before the baby reached out towards Sirius, but he leaned back just in time.

"Why every kid wants to grab my hair?" he asked with an annoyed voice, causing Marlene to chuckle. As Molly came back – and mysteriously, she managed to calm down all of her sons – she took back Ron and ushered them to sit down at the long table.

"Is Arthur at the Ministry?" Sirius asked while Molly was standing in front of the countertops, Ron sitting on one of her arm while she waved her wand with her other hand to make some tea.

"He is," she answered with a tired voice, but changed in a much cheerful one quickly. "And how are you lately? Is everything okay? What about the Order? It's so good to see some familiar faces…"

Sirius and Marlene exchanged a quick glance. There was a war going on; what answer could they give which wouldn't sound like a death sentence?

"We're fine," Sirius said finally. "We do everything to stop them. The Order has the best witches and wizards."

Molly gave a light growl before she waved her wand again, two cups flew through the kitchen and landed before Sirius and Marlene, following the kettle too. "What about my brothers? I believe you see them more than me."

"You should understand," Marlene started, stirring her tea. "They're very busy."

"I know, I know," – Molly sighed, and fell silent for long moments before she started again. "We wanted to join too. But how could you fight in a war with seven small children? They're the first, no matter what happens."

Sirius smiled understandingly, but Marlene furrowed her eyebrows. "Seven?"

"Oh," Molly chuckled. "Yes. I'm pregnant."

Marlene and Sirius' eyes widened in shock first, but they were both smiled and stood up to give her a hug and congratulate her.

"What do you think it will be, a boy or a girl?"

"Have a guess, Marlene," Sirius said sarcastically, looking around the room with six boys, but went on quickly. "But if it will be a girl, she better be badass with so many brothers."

Marlene rolled her eyes with a small smile before they finished their tea, ready to leave, no matter how much Molly wanted them to stay. She promised her parents she will visit them, and she knew they'd worry themselves to death if she won't show up. They left Sirius' motorbike in the garden, promising Molly they will jump in at least for five minutes to see Arthur too.

Sirius wrapped an arm around Marlene's shoulder as they walked, pulling her closer, and a huge grin on his face as he started to speak. "I'm going to marry you."

She cocked an eyebrow at him, but Sirius kept smiling. "It should be a question, you know that?"

"Would you say no?"

Marlene shook her head and laughed. "You aren't giving me a chance to say yes! Or maybe I should go on my knees and ask you?"

"You can kneel down anytime you want in front of me, love, you don't even have to ask," he said and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Okay, just keep joking…" she started, but stopped dead and froze in one place as they turned left on the next street, seeing the only house nearby – Marlene's parents' house, with the Dark Mark above it.

A silent gasp escaped Sirius' mouth; he reflexively reached out his arm to grab Marlene's, but it was too late – she was already running towards the house on the dirty, muddy road. She heard nothing about what Sirius shouted after her, that she shouldn't go in, it's too dangerous, and she should stop – she was just running and running.

Sirius' heart sank to the ground when he saw the door opened long before Marlene reached it. Someone was still inside, he thought, but as he finally reached the house too, there was no one just her. Painting hard, Marlene was looking around in the small lobby, afraid to go further. They couldn't be dead. They couldn't be dead.

"Marlene, we should go, it's…" Sirius started again in a low voice, but she didn't even look at him before her legs finally started moving again, just to give up completely when she stepped inside the living room.

Before she could fell on her knees, Sirius quickly caught her and pulled her close, but he couldn't take his eyes off what he was seeing while Marlene gripped his jacket with both of her hands, her face buried into the black leather.

Both of Marlene's parents were lying on the ground, their eyes open, and no harm could be seen on them. Her father's wand was in front of him, broken in half. They weren't old, and they always looked years younger what they really were (especially her mother), but now, they seemed at least twenty years older.

Through Marlene's loud sobs and his own thoughts it was a miracle he heard the low, muffled sounds from the first floor. Without thinking about it twice, he disapparated from the place, arriving back to their own house.

Marlene snapped her head up and stepped backwards immediately. "I want to go back," she said, out of breath.

"No," Sirius answered, grabbing her wrist firmly. "There was someone in the house."

"Great," she said with shaking voice. "Then I can kill them."

No!" Sirius repeated, grabbing her by her shoulders no. "I won't let you risk your life!"

"That's not up to you!" She shouted so loud her voice went hoarse. "They killed my parents!"

"I know," he answered in a low voice. "And if we go back now, maybe we'll be dead too."

Marlene's heart twitched with an almost unbearable pain, but she had to see what Sirius said was true. She couldn't think clearly anymore. She didn't even want to think anything anymore. She looked into Sirius' teary eyes one more time before buried her face into his chest, letting out all of her pain through her tears.


	4. Chapter 4

The time passed with different speed; some days seemed never-ending, while some weeks behind them seemed like just a second. It felt like everything was happening at once, still, they felt as they were standing in one place, making no progress at all. Did they really thought once they can overcome this? It seemed impossible, thinking about there were times when the Order meetings passed in optimistic mood, when they even joked sometimes. Half of them were gone now, only their empty chairs remembered Marlene that once there were sitting people too, ready to do everything to stop what they needed to stop.

There was no time for grief. She tried her best every day to suppress her negative thoughts and feelings, but it wasn't always so easy. Marlene wasn't the type who cried or complained; when she was truly sad, she just fell in silence, and these silence broke Sirius' heart every time a little bit more.

Both Marlene and Sirius got frightened after Lily's short letter – it only said they need to meet as soon as it's possible. They stepped outside into the now always gloomy weather; the sky was grey and dark and they couldn't remember the last time they saw the sun.

Sirius halted in their living room after James let them into the house. Remus and Peter were sitting on the couch too, while Lily were standing near to them, and even though now she looked fine, Marlene could tell she was probably crying all night long before.

James urged them to sit down, so Sirius took a seat as far from Remus as it was possible. He bit his lip in response and looked away, shaking his head lightly. It was nowhere near to full moon, but he looked more tired than ever with new, fresh scars on his face. Peter himself looked like he haven't got a decent sleep in years, but they all knew the war worn him out more than the others.

"So?" Sirius asked finally after long moments of strained silence. "What is it?"

James leaned on his elbow against the fireplace, staring the flames with a kind of desperate expression on his face that none of his friends had ever seen before on him. Lily broke the silence, her arms crossed across her chest tightly as a heart wrenching cry left her lips. "He wants to kill Harry."

An even deeper silence followed his words, until Sirius jumped up from the armchair, looking at Lily. "What are you talking about?" he asked, but turned his head towards James quickly. "What is she talking about, Prongs? Why would Voldemort wants to kill an infant?"

Lily burst into loud sobs at his loud words, so Marlene quickly hurried closer to her and led her to an armchair and sit her down, while James slowly started to explain everything that Dumbledore explained to them. Every of his word seemed absurd, a nightmare, and they hoped they will going to wake up soon.

"A fucking prophecy, that is," Sirius said in a low voice, now sitting again as his legs couldn't keep him standing anymore. He murmured incoherent sentences before he snapped his head up, suddenly talking in a louder voice. "You need to get out of here. All three of you, as far away from here as you could."

Remus agreed, but James and Lily exchanged a meaningful glance before Lily started, "They would find us… but Dumbledore has a plan which actually makes sense," she said carefully, while her friends waited for her to continue. "Fidelius Charm," she finished.

"Yes," Remus said hopefully. "That could really work!"

"What is the Fidelius Charm?" Peter asked with a confused, raspy voice; on that day, this was the first time they heard his voice.

"It's like hiding a secret inside a living soul," Remus started to explain in the easiest way he could. "They Secret-Keeper can't be forced to tell the secret, so unless they don't tell willingly to Voldemort where Lily and James are, he could be in front of their house and still have no idea where they are," he finished, but continued quickly with a question. "Who will be your Secret-Keeper?"

"Me," Sirius answered in a heartbeat, not looking and Remus but James. Marlene turned her head towards Sirius quickly, ready to argue, but as she caught Lily's eyes, she looked away.

James walked closer and sat down in front of Sirius. "We thought about you too," he started in a low voice. "We won't force you," he started, but Sirius cut him off.

"You aren't forcing me. I'll do it, you don't even have to ask."

"You need to know how dangerous it is," James speak up again, but Marlene didn't hear the rest of his sentence as she left the room and walked out from the house, standing in the cool weather.

Lily followed her friend immediately, standing close to her in the garden. "I'm sorry. I know how hard this must be for you… I never wanted to put you into something like this…" she said apologetically, but Marlene shook her head.

"I'd do the same. And you'd to the same for us. It's just…" she stopped and let out a shaky breath as tears filled her eyes. "If anything goes wrong, I could lose all of you."

Lily nodded understandingly. "I know. But if we do nothing, we'll lose everything too."

Without any other word, they hugged each other as if they were hugging for the last time, without knowing that was indeed the last time.

* * *

Sirius arrived hours later after Marlene, and for her biggest surprise, there was a small smile on his lips. She straightened herself on the couch, looking at him with furrowed brows as he sat down next to her. She opened her mouth to ask why he was smiling, or _how_ he could, but was cut off by him leaning closer and kissing her slowly, tenderly, and Marlene let herself to melt in it completely. Sirius pulled away only slightly minutes later, resting his forehead against hers. "Everything will be fine, okay? I promise."

Marlene closed her eyes back and shook her head, but changed the subject as she pulled back. "Where were you for so long?"

Sirius swallowed hard, but kept his face straight. "Just said goodbye to them."

"Why? she asked. "You're their Secret-Keeper, you can visit them anytime you want."

An almost invisible smiled appeared on him again. "Maybe that wouldn't be so safe now."

"It's all so dangerous, Sirius! I don't want to lose them and I don't want to lose you," she said almost angrily, but Sirius cupped her face, looking deeply in her eyes as he said,

"You won't," he promised, and he looked so honest, so sure, that she could easily believe him.

* * *

Marlene and Sirius felt themselves lonelier than ever in the following months. They only could talk with James and Lily in letters, they only met with Peter during the Order meetings, and as for Remus… Sirius still firmly believed he was up to something. No matter how stupid it sounded to Marlene, no matter how many times she told him he could never betray them, Sirius was sure.

"Do you remember our last Halloween at Hogwarts?" Marlene asked with a smile as they were curled up on the couch.

Sirius chuckled. "Slightly. I was really drunk."

"I remember," Marlene started, staring off and talking in a low voice. "Lily and James just started to become friends… they talked all night. We were secretly snogging in the cupboard," she laughed and looked up at Sirius, who let out a short laugh too.

"Yeah, I remember that we fell outside as Dorcas opened the door."

Marlene nodded before continued to remembering back on the night. "That was the first time when I saw Moony so drunk he could hardly stand on his feet," she chuckled "Peter ate all the sweets and threw the empty wrappings back in the bowl… how mad Remus was?" she looked up at Sirius, who just shortly growled at the mention of their friend's name. Marlene rolled her eyes, but said nothing; she didn't want to argue about it again.

"I should check on Peter," Sirius said suddenly. "We haven't seen him in weeks."

"Can't it wait until tomorrow?" Marlene asked hopefully. It was Halloween, a night that they always spent together since she could remember. She didn't want to stay alone, not even for a minute.

Sirius shook his head and stood up from the couch. "I'm worrying about him. I'll be quick," he added as Marlene tutted. "I just check on him and I'll be back, I won't stay there, okay?"

"Then at least let me go with you," she said, standing up too.

"There's no need for that. I'll be quick," he repeated, picking up his jacket before he turned back to Marlene, giving her a long, slow kiss, as he always did in the past weeks when they got separated even for an hour.

After he disapparated, Marlene went to the kitchen to make some tea, before she settled down in the living room again, waiting for Sirius to come back.

But hours passed and Marlene was still alone, having absolutely no idea where Sirius was. She wanted to go after him, but as she was standing in the middle of the room, ready for disapparate, she needed to realize she didn't know where Peter lives. He moved in a new place months ago, and as they never visit him since them together, only Sirius knew where that place was.

She tried to calm herself down – maybe he just stayed with Peter after all, she repeated to herself a thousand times. It kept her up all night, and almost started to think it could be true, until she heard the knock against the door. In the moment she carefully opened it and saw the two aurors, she knew it was much worse than she thought.


	5. Chapter 5

Marlene only remembered bits and pieces of the last days. She remembered how the two aurors went into her home and started to question her, while she still had no idea about what happened a couple hours earlier. She remembered how they explained that three of her friends were dead. She remembered the fear behind the utter shock as she thought they will say that Sirius died too, but what she heard next made her numb and lost for the rest of the day – and for more than a decade.

She remembered Dumbledore's letter, because that was the first time in days when she felt anger and not emptiness or deep sadness.

She remembered the taps and knocks on the door, hearing them multiple times every day with the well-known voice. Remus tried to talk to her; he said he knew she was in there, but she couldn't move. She was just lying in her bed and wasn't sure she could say anything to anyone, including him.

One week later Remus stopped trying, even though he was still sure Marlene was inside the house. Since she and Sirius closed the fireplace and put several spells around the flat for safety reasons, no one could get inside by apparating or through the Floo Network.

It was one week later when she got a letter with the messy, but still legible handwriting. Remus was short; he asked nothing and didn't said anything more than it was necessary. After days of constant crying Marlene thought there were no tears left inside her, but reading the dates of the two funerals made her sobbing harder than ever in the last week, or, in her life.

She missed Peter's funeral. She wanted to go (or at least she tried); after days she had a proper shower, she washed her hair, and even had some breakfast without feeling the urge to throw up them all.

Still, as she approached the gates of the graveyard, she couldn't bring herself to go inside. Not when she remembered who the reason of it all was. She spun around and went home quickly and didn't leave her bed for days again.

Not until Lily and James' funeral. Marlene didn't want to go this time at all – she knew it would break her more than anything earlier. Because that's what funerals do, it's like a confirmation; a reminder that there is no going back.

It was too late when she finally decided she shouldn't miss the burial. The cold and windy November weather nipped her cheeks as she slowly walked across the graveyard, which was already empty with the exception of one young man.

She wasn't surprised at all when she saw Remus there, standing and staring down at the tombstone. He snapped his head up for only a second as Marlene stopped next to him before bowed his head down again.

"I'm sorry," Marlene said after long minutes. Her voice was hoarse from days of silence, and she wasn't even sure Remus heard her, so she continued louder. "I'm so sorry. I should've been there. You shouldn't go all through this alone…"

"It's fine," he said, still not taking his eyes off James and Lily's name craved into the grey stone." You missed Peter's," he added in a low voice.

She swallowed hard. "I know. I just… I couldn't…"

"Did you know anything about this?" He cut her off suddenly, anger flickered in his eyes as he was looking at her now.

Marlene's eyes widened, her face fell and she froze for a few second as she tried to process what she heard. "No, Remus! How could you think that I…"

"Well, I could never imagine that _he_ could do anything like this either, Marlene," he cut her off again. "And I honestly have no idea how you could not notice anything while you were living with him!"

Marlene lost her composure in anger and started to shout, unable to keep her voice down anymore. "I don't know what happened, okay? I don't know how, and why… But don't you dare to blame _me_!" she felt she could throw up in any time, thinking about her _only_ friend doesn't trust her anymore. "I trusted in him just like you, James, Lily, and Peter; do you think they were responsible too?"

Remus' features softened as tears started streaming down on Marlene's cheeks. He stepped closer and turned his voice down, only talking in a small, apologetic voice with her. "I'm sorry. I just… I still can't believe this really happened. I don't know how I should trust in anyone after that…"

"Me neither," she said, shaking her head before Remus embraced her shoulders and pulled the girl into a hug, letting her cry into his chest for long minutes. It felt like hours when he finally pulled back, looking at her with a concerned expression on his face that Marlene knew could mean nothing good.

"Do you know where Harry is?"

Marlene nodded and anger filled her eyes again. "Dumbledore sent me a letter after they…" she stopped, still unable to say the world. "I'll talk to him."

Remus let out a short, painful laugh. "Good luck."

"I'll talk to him," she repeated, and even she started calmly, her voice grew louder with every sentence. "But I don't fucking care about Dumbledore's opinion, and I don't need his permission! I'm Harry's godmother – his place is with me, not with those terrible muggles! You know too very well how her sister treated Lily; do you think she would be any better with her son?

"I know, and you're right," Remus spoke still in a calm voice, trying to make her stop shouting too. "Dumbledore won't care about this when he's already made a decision, is all I'm saying."

But Marlene only shrugged. "Then I will just take him. I said I don't need his permission, and he can't stop me."

With closed eyes, Remus slowly shook his head. "Maybe you should think this through…"

"Don't worry, I'll talk with him before I do anything," she promised. Remus nodded without a word, before deep silence sat between them again. Marlene broke it with a question. "What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know," he said; his voice more vulnerable than she ever heard from him before. "I don't know anymore."

Soon they left the graveyard, but instead of heading home, Marlene spent the rest of her day at Remus' place. They were mostly in silence, because whenever one of them started to talk about anything, it just made the hole in their heart even deeper. Like when Marlene said, "I can't believe he did this."

"Me neither," Remus replied, almost angrily, but Marlene shook her head.

"No, I mean… I really can't believe he did this," she said with eyes filled with tears. "Remus, you know Sirius. He risked his life for you and every of his friends multiple times in the past months. He'd die for any of us — Merlin, he almost really did not even once! Do you really think he could betray us like this?"

At first, Remus wanted to argue with her, but it would have been inappropriate, considering how deeply hurt she was. Time is what she needed, because for now, of course she tried to deny everything.

"I wish you were right. I really do, but Marlene, you need to open your eyes. He was the secret keeper, and you know there's only one way to tell the secret."

Marlene said nothing but started to cry. She dozed off on the couch – this was the first time since Halloween when she slept through the whole night. She woke up early in the morning in Remus' bed, who was still sleeping (or just pretended, she wasn't sure) when she quickly left the house.

She only went home so she could change her clothes for some fresh ones before she went outside again; after a long and deep breath she disapparated and arrived to Hogsmeade a few moments later.

She thought it would be the best way, easier than travelling with the Knight Bus and dealing with other people, hearing them talking about _him_ , about _them_ , about anything that happened. All the witches and wizards were happy – of course, Voldemort is gone, how couldn't they? The Potters were only heroes to them, not friends, not family. Sirius Black was a murder to them, someone they never knew before, now still fear him and hate him nearly as much as they hate Dark Lord himself. For Marlene – no matter how much it hurt to admit and no matter how much she tried to fight with it – Sirius still meant love and home, and Marlene knew that she will never have those things in her life ever again.

But walking through the village wasn't such a good idea after all. It just brought back memories; every one of them were happy and now seemed they had never even happened. Did she really walk through these streets before with Lily and Mary, talking about boys and worrying only about their exams? Did she really spend hours inside the Three Broomsticks, not caring about they should be long back at Hogwarts? Did she really went to Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop once to a date with Sirius, but both left after five minutes and got drunk instead in the Hog's Head?

The memory made her laugh but she immediately felt herself bad about it; she stopped, chocked her tears back before she continued her walk down on the longs street.

Stepping inside the castle wasn't any better; she needed all of her self-control to prevent herself from burst into tears again. She headed towards the Headmaster's office, but as she remembered she didn't know the password, she turned around with a small growl and quickly found her former Head of House's office.

She knocked on the door twice and waited for only a few, short second before it opened, revealing the always strict looking McGonagall. But her features changed into a much worrying one from stern, opening the door wider. "Miss McKinnon?"

Marlene managed a forced, small smile before she said, "I want to speak with Dumbledore."

McGonagall furrowed her eyebrows at Marlene's poorly formulated sentence, but said nothing as she closed the door behind herself. "And does the Headmaster knows about your visit?"

"No," she said, but added quickly, "But I'm pretty sure he's expecting me."

The professor and led Marlene back to the ugly gargoyle, where she murmured the password – which again, was some name of a sweet that Marlene couldn't pay much attention for at the moment. Her heart was beating so hard and fast against her ribs that the sound of it was the only thing she could hear clearly. She stepped slowly forward, but before she could move again, McGonagall stopped in front of her, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Miss McKinnon, I know there is nothing I can say or do to ease your pain, but if you need to talk to someone…" she started with a concerned face that Marlene only saw from her a few, rare moments in her life.

"Thank you," she said, and she meant it. She was glad McGonagall didn't say anything unnecessary, like how much she felt sorry for her, or asking how she was feeling. But despite of this, she didn't feel she could talk about anything at all. Not yet. After she thanked her and forced another tiny smile, she knocked on the door, but stepped inside immediately before McGonagall could say anything else.

Seeing the circular room wasn't anything new to her either; her behaviour sent her into several teacher's office through her school years. It seemed the Headmaster was nowhere near, but she went closer to his desk anyway, stopping in front of it. Her eyes found the ashes where Fawkes used to be; her gaze stopped and couldn't look away as she was thinking about how anything near to her could be dead.

"He will reborn soon," Dumbledore said above her up on the staircase. Marlene spanned her head up for a few second, looking at him before slowly bowed her head down again, just before the tiny bird poked his head out from the ashes. It made her feeling nothing more than she felt before, but she could hear Dumbledore's smile behind his words. "An impressive sight, don't you think? Well, not in this wrinkled, bare condition, but the renascence itself…" he continued with an amused voice, but Marlene cut him off; suddenly, all of her nervousness was replaced by anger only.

"No offense, but I really don't care about your bird right now… professor," she added, though it helped nothing to make her sound friendlier, and she was sure McGonagall would take ten points from Gryffindor because of her talks if she would heard it, even if Marlene wasn't a student anymore.

The Headmaster nodded once before he slowly walked down on the stairs, stopped behind his desk and waved his wand to conjure a chair for Marlene. "Please," he said, before he sat down too. "What brings you here?"

"I think you know very well why I'm here," Marlene replied, her arms crossed across her chest.

Dumbledore nodded again. "Forgive me. Yes, I do," he said shortly, causing Marlene to shot a questioning look at him. He leaned closer and put his fingertips together before added firmly, "But I'm afraid I can't help you."

"I don't need your help," Marlene snapped. "I want Harry back; he needs to be with me!"

"He needs to be in the safest place he could be, and right now, it is with his aunt," he replied, looking above his half-moon spectacles. His voice was still calm, but Marlene started to lose her own patience quickly.

"Her aunt and her husband are terrible people! They hated Lily, they hate the whole wizarding world!" she yelled, gesturing with her hands wildly in the air. "I could raise him, Remus could help me, Harry would stay in his own world – what makes you think he'd be better to stay with those horrible muggles?"

Dumbledore put his hands on his lap and leaned back against the backrest of his chair. "I have my reasons."

"Which are?"

"Which are reasons I can't tell you for now," he added, still calmly.

Marlene let out a short, painful laugh. "Well, that's great! You take my godson away from me and you don't even tell me why? And you expect me to sit and do nothing about it? Do you think I won't go and take him out of that place?"

"I expect that, yes, and you will do nothing," the Headmaster answered, and continued before Marlene could cut him off. "Besides, I'm not sure that kidnapping a child is something you should do."

"Kidnapping?" Marlene asked, shouting from the anger, gripping the handrail so hard her knuckles went white. "Lily and James chose us godparents for reason; they would want him to stay with us!"

"And by us, you mean yourself and the man who is responsible for Harry's parent's death in the first place?"

Dumbledore's words felt like a punch in her stomach, not just because she couldn't even notice she repeatedly said "us", but because what he said was painfully the truth. She looked through the window and tried to stopping her tears to fall out from her eyes.

"I know how difficult it is for you know…"

"No, you don't," Marlene cut him off with a chocked voice, still not looking at him, but Dumbledore continued like he didn't even hear her.

"…that at the moment nor you, nor Mr Lupin is in the state to raise a child who is in still danger," he added, causing Marlene to look at him immediately. "Not now, not for years maybe. But he will be, and then he will need every protection he could get."

Marlene didn't spend much to think about Voldemort in the past weeks. The loss of her loved ones took too much out from her, but she thought something wasn't right with the story she heard. How could someone, even Voldemort just disappear and leaving nothing behind but a scar on a baby's head?

"I still don't understand how his muggle relatives could give him any protection that I couldn't," she said, calmer this time than before.

"As I said, I have my reasons. Believe me, Miss McKinnon, I wouldn't have done it if I wouldn't be completely sure that this is the best way to keep him safe."

Marlene stared him for a bit, her eyebrows knotted in anger and disappointment before she nodded and stood up from the chair. "I hope you're right. Because one day he'll learn that he had at least one person in his life who could really care about him, and you were the reason he couldn't stay with her," she said and spun around to leave, but as always, Dumbledore needed to say the last words.

"And one day when he will learn everything about his past, he will understand that we do everything for his own safety. I don't wish to understand every single thing that I'm doing now, Miss McKinnon, but I have more knowledge about Voldemort than you have. And one day, you will be also thankful that I didn't let you now to stay with Harry," he added, which was the last straw for Marlene. She opened the door and quickly left the room before she could say anything she'd regret later.

* * *

The soft knock on the front door made her open it again the first time since she came home from Hogwarts a couple days earlier. She knew it will be him, and she wasn't surprised when she saw Remus at all, though she was slightly scared about the conversation about to come between them.

Remus froze for a second as they stepped into the living room. Nearly everything was packed into boxes; only a small table and the couch were standing there unwrapped. "I'd make you a tea, but…" Marlene said, looking around the empty room.

"I thought you can't stay here for long…" Remus said understandingly, and Marlene couldn't respond anything. Looking around again, he spotted two letters on the top of the fireplace. "You haven't respond to my letters."

"Sorry. I was just too busy with all the packing," she lied, sitting down at one of the boxes. "Dumbledore said no."

Remus let out a long sigh, sitting down at the table, in front of Marlene, taking her hands in his. "Marlene, I love Harry as much as you do, but you really shouldn't…"

"I'm leaving, Remus," Marlene cut him off, and he finally understood she isn't only going to leave the house.

"Oh," he said in surprise, letting go of her hands and leaning back. "Where are you going?"

Marlene shrugged and shook her head. "I don't know. Somewhere in America."

"What do you want to do there?" Remus asked, confused, and a bit angry too.

"I don't know! I just… I can't stay here, okay?" she said loudly, jumping up. "I can't. Everything is remind me of them!"

Remus stood up to. "I know Marlene, but running away isn't a solution."

"There isn't anything what could solve this," she said with a shaking voice as tears gathered in her eyes again, and Remus heart sank to the floor. Strong, always confident Marlene McKinnon, who never really cried before, now she hardly could do anything else. "All I know now is if I stay here any longer, it will drive me crazy. I need time… alone," she added the last word almost inaudible, and Remus knew he was one of those things that remind her of them. As much as he wanted to make her stay, he couldn't ask it if that was something she really wanted.

"For how long you want to stay?" he asked calmly.

"I'm not sure. Just a few years, maybe," she replied, and stepped closer to Remus with her hand on his shoulder. "You can't get rid of me so easily anyway," she joked, and both of them let out a tiny laugh before they hugged each other tightly, neither one willing to let go for long seconds. None of them thought it will be their last hug for the upcoming twelve years.


	6. Chapter 6

Diagon Alley hasn't changed much in the past twelve years. When Marlene last walked through the narrow streets, they were dark and dusty, filled with debris and trash and fear, but not now.

It almost looked like as it looked like in those happy and carefree times when her biggest problem was that she needed to buy another cauldron, because the last one had been exploded too many times during those Potion classes where she payed attention to everything but Professor Slughorn. All the same shops on the main street with only a few ones, familiar bartenders in the small pubs that they used to visit so many times before. Fresh out of Hogwarts, still knowing nothing about life but having a drink at the end of the day with a satisfied smile, like they've done something big.

As September was just around the corner, more and more kids visited the shops with their parents, the elders with their friends, to buy everything they'll need for the new term. Sometimes Marlene caught herself wandering around, just watching the students and listening their silly stories, silly stories that could have been hers once, too.

Everything was too familiar, even her own reflection in the shop windows. She inherited that from her mother – she looked years younger, even though she was at her early thirties now. Only her hair turned white early from all the loss she had suffered, but she easily solved it with a good set of potions. They took longer to wear off than the muggle hair dye.

There was still one thing that should not be there, something that did not belong there; Sirius' photo. Marlene couldn't take two steps without facing with the wanted posters in every shop windows, and if she could, she still overheard the conversation about the mass murderer Sirius Black. She hasn't heard his name in ages, but now she wished she could hide from it. Every mention of it felt like a burning dagger in her heart.

She returned back to her room in the Leaky Cauldron that she rented until she could find a new apartment. It was only around midday, but she fell asleep with her clothes on and a half-empty bottle of wine on the nightstand.

When the last time was when Marlene could slept through the whole night, she couldn't remember. No matter how tired she was, there wasn't a single night when she didn't wake up at least one time. Sometimes it were the nightmares that scared her to death, sometimes it was the sweet dream that made her feel guilty, and sometimes something just pulled her out from sleep and didn't let her go back. The only thing that helped her sometimes was one or two glasses of wine, but it wasn't easy to stop there after a time.

She woke up when her empty stomach gave a loud growl; it was past six in the afternoon and she hadn't eat anything since yesterday. She washed her face in cold water, put on some make up and changed her clothes before she left the room and walked down on the old, creaking stairs. The place was filled now, mostly with people who stayed for the night too and Marlene already see them around, but there were new faces as well.

Finding and empty table seemed nearly impossible at this time of the day. She just stopped near to the one in the back, throwing knives with her eyes at a man who just plopped down in a chair she'd almost reach. It was surprising she didn't blew the bloke up with all the curses she was thinking of, when she suddenly heard a warm, familiar voice behind her shoulder.

"Marlene McKinnon?"

A smile appeared on her face instantly after she spun around and saw Molly's friendly face. Before she could said something, anything, even just a hello, Molly already pulled her into a bone crashing hug. "We haven't see you in forever! What happened to you? Are you alright?" she pulled away to look at her, but she didn't wait for her answer. "You haven't aged a day!"

"Try to not strangle her, Molly," Arthur said kindly, and Marlene stepped closer to give him a hug, too.

"We were worried about you so much," Molly continued. "Is that true you were in America? When did you come back? Oh, you must be really hungry! Come, join us!"

Marlene's gaze met with Arthur's who sighed, but she just let out a short laugh and accepted the offer. The long table where they were sitting was packed with smaller older children; Marlene stopped next to the wins and pulled out a chair, but both of them were too busy with whispering something under the table to notice her.

"Everyone, she's Marlene McKinnon," Molly said in a raised voice. "An old friend of ours."

Marlene looked around while she took a seat, but she nearly sat on the floor when her eyes met with those familiar greens. He was sitting in front of her with both elbows on the table just like James used to…

She turned her head towards Molly and Arthur; they looked back at her with a kind, but sad smile. Marlene tried to force a smile as well, though her eyes was full of pain. Suddenly, she lost her appetite, but she grabbed the spoon and started to eat some soup, trying to choke back her tears. She almost jumped up when she felt something soft and hairy, brushing against her bare ankle; just as she leaned down, a big, ginger cat jumped up on her lap.

"Oh, hello," she murmured and stroked its head, before a girl appeared next to her and snatched the cat out from her lap, mumbling a sorry before she take a seat next to Marlene.

"I swear to you, Hermione," one of the Weasley kids started; Ron, Marlene assumed, as he looked at the age around Harry. "If that beast going to attack Scrabbers again, I'm going to turn it into a tea cozy!" he fumed, patting his pocket, where probably the said Scrabbers was hiding.

Harry let out a laugh, causing Marlene to shiver at the sound; it was just like James'.

"So, Marlene, what were you doing in America?"

Marlene broke her gaze away from her godson at Arthur's question; from their slightly raised voice and the look on his and Molly's face, they probably already asked this from her a couple times.

"I was teaching," she replied with a hoarse voice, but continued after saw the surprise at their faces. "Tell the americans you were fighting in the wizarding war against Voldemort and they will you already."

Everyone around the table hissed, growled or gasped, hearing the name – with the exception of Harry, Marlene noted with a proud feeling in her chest.

"Well," Molly started after she uncomfortable cleared her throat, "I'm happy you find such a great job. Is that means you're just visiting?"

"No, I moved back," she said in a low voice, and she was grateful no one asked why.

The rest of the dinner passed with Marlene thinking whether if she should jump up and leave or stay and try to talk with her old friends. Seeing Harry was upsetting, more upsetting she'd thought. And even if she managed to hide the emotions from her face, her insides were screaming whenever he made something that his parents used to in the same way. It shattered her heart, knowing that Harry thought Marlene was no one to him. And it just broke her even more that at this point, after all those years, she was indeed no one to him.

Marlene poured only a half glass of wine to herself under Molly's heavy gaze. After they finished dining, most of them stayed at their table to talk.

"Have you met with Remus since you came back?" Molly asked, and Marlene's heart sank to the floor. Of course she wanted to see him, she missed him terribly, but she didn't know how she could look into his eyes anymore. She shook her head as a no, but didn't say anything. "Better if you hurry, then. He'll be at Hogwarts from tomorrow."

Marlene's eyes widened, but she let out a short chuckle as well. "Is he teaching?"

Arthur gave a short nod. "He's the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher."

"I hope he'll be better than our first two," Ron said bitterly, shaking his head.

"Oh, I'm sure you'll love him," Marlene answered with a smile. "What was wrong with the others?"

Ron leaned back on his chair. "Last year Lockhart tried to obliviate us in the Chamber of Secrets," he said like he was just talking about the weather, and started to explain after Marlene furrowed her brows, hearing about the famous chamber. "We went there to save Ginny from You Know Who…"

"Ronald!" Molly said warningly, and Marlene hoped she either misheard something or it was just a joke. Ginny just ran to their parents, talking to both of them in whispers so Ron quickly went on in a lower voice.

"And in first year Squirrel tried to steal the Sorcerer's stone, but it turned out it was You Know Who poking out from the back of his head," Ron looked at his parents, and added in a louder voice. "So I hope our new teacher will be better."

"Can't be much worse than Snape, though," Harry added, and that was the last straw for Marlene on that night.

"Snape?" she asked loudly, turning her head towards Molly and Arthur. "How could they let him teach?"

"Dumbledore trusts him…" Arthur said in a calm voice, but it only made Marlene angrier. She threw her napkin on the table and stood up, rushing out from the room and up in the stars with her heels clicking loudly on the wooden floor.

She'd almost reach the door of her room when she heard Arthur's voice in the distance, "Marlene wait," he said, so she turned around, waiting for him as he hurried closer. "I'd like to talk to you."

Marlene let out a shaky breath, which was a half laugh and a half cry, before she started to speak. "I just saw my godson after twelve years, and I not just only had to hear that he was in constant danger in the past two years because of Voldemort, but a Death Eater is teaching him? How could they let him near to children?" she started in a low voice but by the end, she was shouting.

"As I said, Dumbledore…"

"I don't give a shit about Dumbledore's opinion anymore," Marlene said bitterly, still unable to forget that her former Headmaster didn't allow him to take care of Harry.

Arthur fell in silent for long seconds, waiting for Marlene to calm down a bit before he said, "That's not what I wanted to talk about with you. It's about Harry."

She was suddenly alert, and also scared about what he is going to say about him.

"I think we should talk with him," Arthur said in a meaningful tone, and Marlene understood what he was referring to.

She leaned against the wall with her shoulder and crossed her arms, her voice quiet now. "Do you also want to include the part his godmother abandoned him? And that his parents' best friend betrayed them?"

"That's not what I want to tell him," Arthur said. "Listen, Marlene. You don't know Harry…"

"Thanks for reminding me," she cut him off bitterly, but he only paused for a short second, closing his eyes after his poor choice of words before he continued.

"If he'd know what happened, I'm sure he'd try and go after Black himself," he said, and Marlene felt she could threw up. "But we still should warm him about Black. He's dangerous!"

Marlene couldn't say anything. If she agrees with Arthur, that would mean she also agree with everything he tell about Sirius. If he disagrees, Arthur would surely question her about things she wouldn't like to tell…

"Do what you see the best, Arthur. I don't think I have any right to make that decision anymore," she said as she opened the door and walked inside, slammed and closed the door before she collapsed on the bed. She sat up a few seconds later and grabbed the wine bottle from the nightstand; she took some long sips before she angrily threw it away against the mirror above the dresser, having both of them shatter into pieces while the dark red liquid was running down on the white wall.

It was just too much. She didn't remember when the last time was when she cried so hard like now, after her head hit the pillow and she let all her tears she swallowed back in the past hours stream down on her cheeks. She wished she'd talked with Remus, now. He was the only person from her past she could with freely, about anything. But as they said he'll leave tomorrow, and Marlene wasn't sure she could set foot in Hogwarts again. She felt herself more alone that ever in the past twelve years.


End file.
